Alright, I admit it. Yesterday's post was incoherent and possibly blasphemous. However, I am so annoyed by the comic strip For Better or For Worse and its cast of unpalatable clods, I'm willing to invite the Man Upstairs' wrath. It could scarcely be worse than watching these twits screw things up. The reason, of course, is that the Patterson family and their associates, over the last twenty-eight years, present a clear danger to themselves and those around them. The locus of the menace are the Foob vices par excellence: NARCISSISM and OBLIVIOUSNESS. This band of WASPy nitwits present themselves as progressive friends to all the world -- just so long as the world doesn't ask them to sacrifice one of the pea-brained whims they refer to as a worthy ambition or alter any of the puerile stereotypes they mislabel a well-resoned conviction.
How did dingdongs like Mikerobe and Lizaboob launch themselves on an unhappy world with the delusion that they were actually fit to participate in the real world with sane, decent people? Simple: St. Elly of Milborough, patron saint of smug jackasses, told them so. This proves the Japanese adage that children who don't know how to behave come from incompetent parents. I'll get around to the juvenile cipher they call a father in a future post, so leave us examine the defective primary care-giver. If Elly is supposed to represent the ideal mother, Our Humble Artist has unwittingly given us a huge boost in understanding why society seems on the verge of collapse: the woman claims to be infallible. Seriously. Almost two decades of this strip, and not a sign she might actually have ever made anything like a mistake in her life, or that her ideas of the true good and beautiful may not mesh with some hatefully icky, unfair antiGod notion nonFoobs call Objective Reality. Anything wrong in her family's life is obviously the fault of OTHER PEOPLE or the Devil (who inspire OTHERS to conspire against the interests of the Almighty's chosen Foobs.) OTHER PEOPLE are the victims of disaster, misadventure and crime and Pattersons should never suffer from life's hardships. OTHER PEOPLE cajole her to do something silly, like use technology she cannot understand, which of course is a hateful evil because BIG BROTHER might use the Interweb to police her thoughts. OTHER PEOPLE lie, cheat and steal due to a foul wind from beyond the horizon and not because someone is too vain to notice the obvious and let tehm. OTHER PEOPLE corrupt innocent young girls with the base heresy that they can live a full, happy and meaningful life without marrying some spindly and passive/aggressive childman and giving birth to a brood of gender-balanced hellions. (God has obviously struck the doxy for her sins by depriving her the use or her legs, thereby showing us to LISTEN TO MOTHER). OTHER PEOPLE dare impugn her daughter's honor by suggesting she plays with the lives and affections of others with the decency and humanity of a cat killing a mouse. OTHER PEOPLE suggest that her beloved son is the very model of the modern facile dithering dunderhead, instead a misunderstood artist. OTHER PEOPLE have the unreasonable and ludicrous notion that they have any input into a Patterson's wedding or that their hopes and dreams are worthy of fulfillment. OTHER PEOPLE call the ideal son-in-law a clinging, whiny, manipulative, self-absorbed non-entity and the ideal daughter-in-law a reactionary fantasy straight out of Bewitched. OTHER PEOPLE suggest that she wasted her life in suburban purdah bonded to a superannuated cipher looking for a Mommy he can bang, instead of getting the degree for which they shelled out heavy coin(Mommy and Daddy didn't think she could find Prince Charming, so screw 'em). The reason for all this ludicrous prattle is that OTHER PEOPLE (of course) are 'just jealous'. That's right, folks: 'jealous' of a whiny, potato-nosed old simpleton living in the past who's too 'good and noble' to see the writing on the wall (actually her outside wall, which is soon to change from 'J & E Patterson" to 'M & D'). Elly Patterson is the kind of pea-brained, smug narcissist, who long ago having abandoned any pretense of reason or self-awareness, caroms from one self-created crisis to the next with the oblivious smirk of those the Gods have marked for destruction, knowing full well they need do nothing, save watch her brood make a worse botch of things.