As I sit here and wonder exactly how fruitless it would have been to try to get the nitwits to explain what the Hell their folks were supposed to name them and why they'd still be the same dreary clodhoppers living the same dismally boring existences were their names Tyler and Britney, it occurs to me that we're dealing with the same sort of messed up logic that informs Mike's over-reaction to the discovery that Elly used to play guitar in public. As we're about to see in about a years' time, his unreasonable reasoning is
1) Mom used to go out in public and do things.
2) Said things will get me teased if they're discovered.
3) Therefore, she must have done them to get me teased because the alternative is understanding that she couldn't be asked to care about the social standing of someone who didn't exist at the time.
4) Mike is too stupid to understand that the not yet born don't get a vote.
This means that instead of adhering to a cultural norm in order to conform, their parents were deliberately trying to hurt them because the alternative is admitting to being stupid and vain. It's like how they'll probably grow up to assume the same thing Elly does: children only pretend to have feelings to wreck their parents' lives.