dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,
dreadedcandiru2
dreadedcandiru2

The Lessons Not Learned Phase of the Strandening, Part One.

The irritating thing about the Mike's "Meet (and make enemies) of Martha's family" arc is that no one named Patterson has any real idea what happened. An objective analysis of events is as follows: Fred MacRae is a woefully inept and negligent boater who proceeded to strand himself, his family and a guest in the middle of nowhere because he failed to keep his engine in proper working order. He was unable to extricate himself from the situation because he is a foolhardy dimwit who thinks that oars and a radio are an unnecessary expense and makes me worried that he'll think the same thing about life vests. Mike stood there like a passive lump watching this because ribbing from Stan MacRae caused him to shut down and also because his default reaction to a crisis can be charitably likened to standing around like a wooden Jesus in a country graveyard. Eventually, after an unknown period of time, the OPP spotted Fred's Folly, summoned a marine salvage service to tow Fred back to the dock and charged him double the normal rate for failing to maintain his boat properly.

Michael's version of events is that they ran out of gas, Stan drove everyone crazy, Martha's parents fought and the police towed them to shore. If you're stupid like John and Elly, you're going to come to the conclusion that Stan freaked out because they ran out of fuel and that's why the parents fought. This is because you either forget or never actually learned something very important about Mike: he always comes to the wrong conclusions because he's fixated on all of the wrong things and doesn't understand why people do what they do. We saw this two years ago when he stood around like a galoot about playing a game whose rules he understands because Martha violated his stupid "act like a teenage girl afraid of being called forward" notes protocol. An objective analysis of events shines a harsh light on the fact that Michael has no idea how to behave around Martha when she's a real person and not a fantasy projection and is too fixated on the allegedly dreadful prospect of being mildly teased by other scruffy non-entities (who he thinks of his his best friends despite the fact that they barely tolerate his presence) to realize (or even begin to realize) that everyone else would think it's kind of cool that he has a girlfriend. Since he feels humiliated, he treats her like garbage for dumping on him because he can't understand why she thinks it's okay that he not control who gets to know things about him. As I've said before, he will repeat this same stupid mistake because there's something that keeps him from learning from his mistakes that isn't "blaming other people for his own hang-ups and stupidity." I'll get to that in a while too.
Tags: mike patterson: universal idiot
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