- Dawn and Shawna-Marie: In her mind, they deserve to be punished for having love interests and lives while she was in agony. Because they didn't drop everything to comfort her in her hour of self-created need, they have to wear ugly dresses.
- Her parents: Because they didn't have Michael killed so he wouldn't either harrass or outshine her, they have to go bankrupt catering to her every gaudy whim.
- April: The vengeful nincompoop has had in for her kid sister since Elly was told she was pregnant. She, you see, was supposed to be the baby of the family and get all the love that TV told her she would get. Never mind that in that family being youngest meant she'd have no one to take out her frustrations on, she had a bunch of worship coming and Picky-Face horned in on it.
- Michael: Okay, hating him makes sense. He never apologized for being a shit.
- Therese: For trying to make her feel bad about someone who isn't her.
- Her many exes: For not living up to her contradictory expectations.
Watching her storm around making an ugly, high-handed fool of herself will be the funniest part of watching the Biggest Kitsch Abomination Wedding EVAH!!!