dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,
dreadedcandiru2
dreadedcandiru2

How to birth a monstrosity: the Settlepocalypse Coven.....

As howtheduck pointed out today, John's plans to avoid involvement in planning the Kitsch Abomination Wedding of Ultimate Doom are not only sexist, they're the smartest thing he's ever done. Elly might tell him that she wants his opinion but when he offers it, it will be angrily rejected. This is unfortunate because he'd probably try to run things so as to not break the budget. The same thing cannot be said for the five freaks who'll end up in charge.

First off, of course, is Mother-of-the-Bridezilla herself, Elly. What we lost sight of in all the chaos of Deanna's Big Sham Wedding seven years ago is that Saint Flapandhonk has tastes that are similar to the family's arch-enemy, Mira. As we know, all the stuff that was horrible when Mira was doing it will be good when Sheet Shaver does it. Queen Kong will be ably assisted in executing her plans to have the most revoltingly garish wedding of all time by her faithful toady, Connie. As we know, her Number Two wants to experience the alleged glory of a white wedding but an unkind fate has foreclosed on that possibility by making Lawrence gay. This means she'll be even more eager to do this than Elly herself. Elly simply wants someone in the vicinity who can agree with the proposition that men are jerks, children are an intolerable burden and women's lot in life is to suffer unanswered indignities; Connie wants to show her son how ungrateful he is for denying his mother her due. The third idiot in charge of things is Deanna. Since it's clear that she shares Elly's desires to make her children do things she bridled at, it seems clear that she'll help Elly give Liz a wedding she herself would not have. Fourth, of course, is Liz herself. It seems clear that she'll make this as garish as possible to avenge herslef on all the people who've betrayed her by having better lives than she does. Last and least, we have the idiot who set things in full gear: April. She's desperate enough for parental approval that she'll agree to any damned thing.

It seems obvious to Your Humble Servant that, though each of the members of the Wedding Committee have different motives for what they're doing, their visions of the Perfect Wedding will be eerily similar. All five will give birth to a barbarous vulgarity of a wedding that will be the subject of derisive hooting. What would be more entertaining is seeing the thought processes that went into it but I, like howtheduck doubt that Lynn can see the potential for low comedy that he can. What I do know is that if JSTF were to do something stupid and point out how expensive it had become, he'd get something a lot worse that a work glove hurled at him
Tags: settlenuptuals
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