dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Anthony: The Ultimate Stupid Plan

As I've mentioned before, the Pattersons, due to their smug and willful ignorance of the world around them, have a love affair with false economies and quick fix solutions. An example of that tendency occurred when John responded to the discovery that middle-school aged Liz still sucked her thumb at night by fitting her with a dental appliance that had the effect of physically stopping it while simultaneously adding to to feelings of inferiority and isolation that caused it by altering her speech in such a manner as to invite public ridicule. This is because he didn't ask the right question because he was too impatient to look beyond the surface. He wants his solutions now, thanks loads, and doesn't have time to waste on asking the question "Why?" "How" is good enough for him and his wife. Elly herself would rather shave sheets than buy those of better quality because she wants to stick to her original failed solution. The ultimate stupid solution to a misidentified problem is, of course, Anthony. The Pattersons, you see, have always believed that Liz must be saved from herself. They fear that if they aren't around to make sure she's all right, she'll live a life not worth living. How best to make sure they can be there when she needs them? Marry her off to a man who will not leave town no matter what. All there talk of his being a great catch because he's funny and smart is a lie. He's a great catch because he was born in Milboring and, by God, he'll die there.
Tags: blandthony, one big oblivious family

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