July 18th, 2007

Calm Candiru

Welcome to your Crankshaft Future, Elly Patterson....

To get back to the idea I was working on Monday, princessgos's post reminded me that, after John died and Elly found herself unequal to the challenge of owning the bungalow she lives in, her children wouldn't stand around and let her end up living either in a home or on the streets. Her destiny is the be the basketball, if you will, in a little game I call Pattersonian jumpball, wherein Michael, Elizabeth and April compete to see which one of them 'deserves' custody of a seventy-two year old widow. Will it be Madman Michael, the Millionaire Author of Unread Bestsellers? Perchance Elizabeth the Oblivious, eager for advice on how to shave sheets and other methods of pretending to do housework? We know that Elly would rather eat tree bark than stay with April with her weird, incomprehensible habits of giving of herself and unhealthy lack of materialism. Let's hope for Merrie and Robin's sakes that, if they haven't killed themselves, Elly gets to live with them. After all, we don't want Liz's or April's children being told they're second rate by a crabbed-up old bitch who let life slip through her fingers.