August 15th, 2010

Snarky Candiru2

Cathy: the unanswered questions...

There's another way in which Cathy's upcoming departure calls to mind having a well-meaning but somewhat tedious friend leaving town; you end up being left with questions that bother you somewhat but were never able to answer quite to your satisfaction. Here are some of the ones that occur to me as being the most important:
  • Why is it that of all the people she'd dated over the years, she wound up marrying the boorish frat-rat momma's-boy who still doesn't really take her concerns as seriously as he should?
  • Is she pulling our legs when she talks about how freezer calories don't count?
  • Is she ever going to realize that her life would be even simpler if she stopped worrying about her figure and threw that idiotic Dieter's Journal in the trash where it belongs?
  • Is her mother ever going to acknowledge that her obvious affection for her only child can be overwhelming?
  • Will people ever stop pressuring her to have the kids she knows that she probably wouldn't be good at raising?
  • Is her idiot husband ever going to admit that when she says that it isn't at all fair or right that he doesn't have to do nearly as much to get ready to go out, he shouldn't respond with smug wisecracks?
  • Why is it that all the officious, unsympathetic, obstructive saleswomen in her home town look like a Bokanovsky group from Huxley's Brave New World?
  • Will her mother-in-law ever use her first name?
The final question, of course, is the most pressing: "Will she ever admit that the right pair of strappy stilletos will not, after all, complete her?"