December 18th, 2010

Snarky Candiru2

Through a Settlepocalypse Darkly....

The most annoying part of following the strip is having to remember that the Pattersons are so blasted deluded that they don't know how repulsive they look. Like any self-respecting idiot from chick lit, a Foob sees a distorted vision of the world; said distortion is a result of the entitlement, victimism, self-righteousness and solipsism that corrodes and curdles the character of our so-called heroes. This, as I've said, makes it difficult to describe them. As by way of example, let's assume that you're a Milboroughite trying to describe them to out-of-town relatives; explaining the Settlepocalypse and Housening would require you to use the phrase "No, I'm not making that up" a whole lot. That's because most people aren't assholes and would ask the following questions:

  • What kind of rat bastard idiot would leave his wife and children on a rickety fire escape so he could rush into a burning building to save a laptop?
  • What kind of spineless idiot is she that she didn't immediately divorce him?
  • Why did his parents not insist that he get a new pad for his family as quickly as possible?
  • Why did they treat their youngest like a piece of furniture no one know what to do with?
  • What kind of freak wants to live in his parents' old house?
  • What in the bloody Hell do they mean by "Therese is jealous for no reason"? No matter where she turns, the middle child is always there acting like this other woman is a big, hateful meanie for not wanting her husband's high school girlfriend shoving her nose in where it doesn't belong!
  • Why the Hell should that child's sex life have anything to do with making her parents' lives easier; it's not as if they think that she has to pay back the money they spent on her, right?
  • Whaddaya mean, they DO think that?
  • Who do these people think they are?

It's sort of tough to answer questions like that without denting people's faith in their fellow man; about the only one that one can answer is "Why haven't people, y'know, done something about these creeps?"; the answer, of course, is "They ain't worth killing!"