May 11th, 2012

Snarky Candiru2

The fictitious victories of Elly Patterson.

I think that it would be very safe to say that this latest attempt of Elly’s to extort money from someone who doesn’t, despite our hero’s clear belief otherwise, have the cash on hand to do so is something of a humiliating defeat in which a naive clod got her credibility handed back to her along with the shiny beads and shallow flattery she did get. The fun thing is that Elly does not see it this way. She sees it as a glowing victory against an exploiter. Most of Elly’s triumphs trend that way. Let’s list some of the more sordid catastrophes her twisted mind turns into glorious victories.

  • First off, we have to remind ourselves of her unholy tendency to boast about her string of entry-level jobs as if she's a big wheel.
  • We’re about a year or so away from her convincing John, who thinks that her asking him to help with the housework is because of the scary hormones that make her moody for no reason he can think of, to do so by weeping like a child and thus pandering to his belief that women are irrational, emotional and not-quite-human creatures.
  • A few years later, she manages to skate on paying a traffic ticket because the accident couldn’t be avoided. She thought that being told that she wasn’t a catastrophically bad driver was a glowing triumph.
  • The next irritating non-victory we had to celebrate was her managing to give April The Talk without actually having to talk to her.
  • Next, of course, is her helping Mike and Deanna scam Mira.
  • Finally, we get to see her not lift a finger but still crow about being a great mother-of-the-bride during the Settlepocalypse.

The reason that Elly tends to live in the imaginary world in which she's a superstar is because she's either not smart enough to realize that she's accomplished real things or tends to regard her real accomplishments as humiliating defeats.