July 27th, 2013

Snarky Candiru2

Summer programs reconsidered in the light of Lynn's impoverished imagination.

For all of my talking about how stupid John and Elly are for not exploring the option of sending Mike down to the Boys' and Girls' Club for the summer and saving themselves a crap-load of money, it seems to me that it might be a good thing that they did no such thing. That's because I lost sight of two very important things. The first is that Lynn never did this and since she can't write about anything she never experienced, suggesting that she do so would lead to a baffling mess that demonstrates how little she knows of the world and how much she relies on television to teach her. As by way of example, we have to contend with the fact that the summer camp arc seems to have been ripped directly from old sitcoms and bad TV movies so it's very likely that sending Mike down to one of these would be a kiddy-grade version of the Elly-does-macramé arc in which he "accidentally" creates things designed specifically to outrage and horrify Elly because CHAOS!!!!

The second fact I should have kept in mind is that even when Lynn has experienced something, she draws all the wrong conclusions. The same person who thinks that people who claim to get ahead because they're willing to buckle down and do things that they hate must be cheating and must envy her for her doing a lot of crappy work she's too lazy to review would probably have invited us to take part in another war on straw. This means that not only would nine year old Michael deliberately outrage Elly because he hates her and wants her to be chained to the stove and whatever the Hell lies she tells herself to protect herself from seeing that he has to live in Milborough too, we'd also see a poorly-researched ad hominem attack on modern thinking about children and the arts. Perhaps the horrible woman who didn't realize that the point of totally-not-forcing a only-reluctant-because-she-wanted-to-ruin-Elly's-image Lizzie to participate in an Easter parade she would have gladly took part in if she didn't live to make Elly look bad is to make Elly look competent would be the go-to person encouraging Mike to think of new ways to ruin Elly's reputation.