April 3rd, 2014

Snarky Candiru2

On the Patterson children and their fear of abandonment.

Remember about six years ago when Elly and Connie spouted off about how loving, firm, fair and kind they weren't and how Elly proved she was a deluded moron by reverting to standard operating procedure and exploding in a blind rage when confronted with the mildest resistance to her demands? It seems to me that when the stupid old cow looks back on a past of erupting in blind fury when confronted with the trivial and pissing herself in sheer, blank-minded terror of being not nice when she was supposed to have stood up for herself, she'll probably bleat that her children knew that they were loved and wanted.

This, of course, is a load of steaming manure. Sure, the Mike and Liz of 2014 have also edited their own pasts and believe that they had idyllic childhoods but the fact is that while they were children, they lived in what I like to call the real world. In that world, they knew that Elly's typical expression when dealing with them was a horrified grimace of sheer terror and her typical reaction to their presence was to either flee or scream GO AWAY!!!!!! Since they were kids and didn't know what post-partum depression was, the only conclusion that they could possibly drawn is that Elly didn't really want them around and was looking for an excuse to ditch them because she hated them. This is why they really don't like the idea of her taking trips or spending too much time away from home because they 'knew' that she was just looking for a means of leaving the kids she didn't want behind forever and ever. Since Elly doesn't understand that they fear her wanting to go away forever and ever, she assumes that they just want to be selfish and deny her the same freedom they have. Then again, she has an equally specious reason for hating their being too active so it's sort of appropriate that she not twig to that.
Snarky Candiru2

The artifacting of Thelma Baird.....

As I type this, I do so in the knowledge that it has been nineteen years since the oh-so-preventable death of Farley the dog. It has also been damned near seven years since Deanna added this horrifying little passage to her first post-Housnening retcon:

We've also got safety latches on the workshop and the garage, and we made very sure that the gate in the back fence is secure - we don't have a "Farley" around to rescue Robin or Merrie from the ravine.

What this means is that despite the obvious need to finally do the right thing and take child-proofing seriously, moron Elly continued to let something important slide out of what looked like sheer brainless laziness and the stupid belief that exposing her child to the lethal consequences of her parents' stupidity would teach her better than childproofing ever could. While those are good and valid reasons for Elly being a smug, inept bonehead, her brainlessness doesn't stop there. The reason I think that there's a third reason comes to us from one of those stupid podcasts Lynn has on her website. In it, she stated in all seriousness that Farley HAD to get loose and impregnate Sera because any new dog the Pattersons might end up owning must have a connection to Farley because if they just picked up a stray from Animal Control, their last connection to Thelma Baird would be gone. This is nuts because by the time April damned near got killed, Thelma Baird was long dead and all but forgotten by most of the readers and most of the cast. This tells me that one of the first things Elly commented on when she encountered a gate that prevented any old idiot from coming in and smashing up model trains or children from rushing out into traffic was how unwelcoming that looked. After all, did Deanna stop to think about how poor old Mrs Baird had arthritis and would have trouble letting herself in?

That's right. I went there and I brought stuff back. The real reason why Elly never saw fit to really latch the gate is that she's so stupid, she wanted to be a good host to a friend years after the woman's relatives made that final decision "casket or urn." The disturbing end result is that poor April got into all sorts of trouble she shouldn't have gotten into because of the sheer witless inertia of her brainless failure of a mother.