November 28th, 2014

Snarky Candiru2

On the divine secrets of the Foob Soup sisterhood.

As you might know by know, there's a disturbance in the force in Foob's spiritual successor "Stone Soup." This is because for the very annoying reason that the other female characters have decided sight unseen that the main character cannot possibly be happy with her life as it is, she's pretty much being frog-marched down the aisle in order to be really happy because none of the meddling idiots have ever stopped to consider the idea that maybe, they don't really understand what's going on and are just letting their own need to have a great big party override the happiness of the person they falsely claim to be looking out for.

The reason that I mentioned this idiot plot wherein people who call for sanity and actually figuring things out before they do something stupid are extra-bad and selfish people who want Val to die alone and unhappy and not cared for and all the other imbecile justifications Joan makes for being a presumptuous twit who doesn't want to understand the situation because Lifetime rules the world is that I can readily believe that the same shit is happening to April right now. After all, it happened to Liz. It happened to Mike. It's gonna happen to her because two sets of hillbillies who got married way too damned soon think it worked out great for them and want to make sure that everyone gets married before they find out who they actually are. If it ain't Elly whining pathetically about how lost and unhappy she really is, it's gonna be Gordo and Tracey flinging bullshit about biological clocks April's way.

If that ain't bad enough, they're going to be pointing to the wonderful success of Mike's marriage to Deanna and how happy Liz is to be a frustrated lardarse married to a demeaning jackass who treats her like an inanimate object and who ascribes her baffled longings for more than suburban ennui to having the same crazy woman hormones that made his first wife call him a sub-human piece of shit. Little do they realize that the more they laud John and Elly's ugly marriage of inconvenience as a model, the less she's going to want to get hitched.