November 27th, 2015

Snarky Candiru2

Further reflections on why gratitude isn't valued.

Now that another Thanksgiving has passed you down South by, I think that it's only fitting to re-examine why it is that the day really goes unmarked. As always, it's because the Pattersons look at their lives of plenty and see absolutely nothing to be thankful for. This, I should think, is because they all seem to want things that contradict one another. For example, we have to deal with the fact that Elly wants to be a mother who can never be satisfied with what her children do and is vocal about how much of a bother they are while at the same time be thought of as a kindly figure they can and should come to with their problems. Evil outsiders who don't have children and thus have no say in things might tell evil lies about how she's just going to leap down their throats anyway the second they say something that angers her but that shouldn't be allowed to matter because she wants something and that's it. Since she never got something she sort of actively made a tough sell, she can't find a thing to be grateful for.

This tendency continues with Liz. What we see with her is a fickle, oblivious flake who expects to have her life handed to her on a silver tray who wants to be thought of as being a resolute, faithful and hard-working person no matter what people she just made up might say about listening to herself more often. Simply put, she can't understand why most people see her as a dimwit who has to be led everywhere she needs to go and who also needs to have a babysitter husband forced on her because she's thought of as needing a spotter to breathe.

This inability to tell self-image from reality almost makes John's refusal to understand that the people around him aren't a collection of media images benign. Not being grateful because Elly and the others insist on being real people when television makes life look so simple seems a lesser evil stacked up against wanting to have one's cake and eat it too.
Snarky Candiru2

Oh....did I forget that the Guy's romantic troubles are ALL HIS FAULT?

The latest issue of the reboot of the Archie universe showed up on newsstands recently and, well, it confirms a hunch I've had. As you know, much noise is made of something called the lipstick incident. As I said before, it seemed to me that both Archie and Betty were alluding to a date gone spectacularly wrong. For some reason, she got talked into dressing up and putting on cosmetics, Captain Oblivious got all confused and made some stupid crack about how she shouldn't even own lipstick, she got hacked off because Dumbass said that ridiculously tone-deaf thing and here we are dealing with a girl wronged and a stubborn nitwit who won't admit that he'd played his hands ridiculously. According to Carrottop Entitlementpants, none of this is his fault because as a man, he should define who Betty is.

It turns out that this is the case. The detail left out is that the rattle-brained young women declaiming about the horror of the baffling collapse of said relationship don't realize (or especially want to because it would make them into accomplices instead of helpers) performed a kill assist on a perfectly workable romance for a very stupid reason. You see, they have it in their heads that Archie's off-the-cuff comment about getting to know Betty instead of ragging on her because she doesn't look or act the way Great God Fash-Un-Magg says to was a licence to tear down a wrench wench and put up another mindless fashionista babbling feebly about emulating tin gods like Veronica Lodge as if being a trained seal acting up for the camera is the be-all and end-all of existence. Since TMZ and Cosmo rot the brain, they have no idea that when Russian Tooth Fairy comes for the People's teeth, they have to line up behind Archie and raging raasclat chickenhawk Lodge for their complimentary punch to the mouth.