January 24th, 2016

Snarky Candiru2

The Methuselah perplex.

To continue on from my detour to Cancerview, it is pretty obvious that there's nothing like living in the past to make a man or woman seem older than he or she is. After all, it was Bowie's willingness to reinvent himself as time went on that made him timeless. If he insisted on being Ziggy Stardust for the last forty years, he'd be something of a sordid joke. What people lose sight of is that there's nothing that made Elly look like a goofy child rummaging around Mommy's closet and trying on her clothes than her irritating insistence on being old before her time. Every time I see Elly wail about how oooooooold and used-up she is when she's still relatively young, I come to the conclusion that the little kid who used to think that twenty meant senility is still at the controls while the adult who can estimate ages correctly has yet to show up for work.

Of course, it's not just her that does this. For some baffling and stupid reason, the Patterson family have a habit of tacking on at least five years to their ages and the ages of the people around them. It's why John greeted his fiftieth birthday with dread because he thought it meant he was an old, old man. It's why Elly didn't even want to celebrate her birthday because she thought she had a foot in the grave. It's why the two of them don't understand what their kids can do and stand around moaning and griping about sloth and deceit because an eight year old child claims that vacuuming a Chevy wore him out. It's why they think that at sixteen, April was ready to move out. It's why Jim shook his head in disgust and confusion when Elly claimed to be ooooooold before her time. It's why I join him in thinking of his children as being dumb kids who don't know what old is.