May 6th, 2017

Snarky Candiru2

Ain’t no cure for the summertime Foobs: the 2017 edition.

As we know, we are weeks away from Summer Vacation and the many disappointments and discontents inherent therein. While normally, I’d focus on Elly howling in despair because she can’t quite admit that the evil monsters plotting to steal her identity are the unimaginative slug children who need a spotter to remind them to breathe we see, today, I’d like to focus on how Mike never seemed to have a summer break he really enjoyed the way television told him he was supposed to.

This is because despite how Deanna has him conned into thinking that his childhood actually was the carefree romp that John believed it to be, the plain turth is that no sooner did Mike get away from one set of oooooold people who hated fun and thus enjoyed every minute of tormenting children with rules and work for a couple of months of the carefree days he was told he was going to have than did his parents either shove a rake in his hand and call him a shiftless and ungrateful freeloader or act as if he was some kind of monster child that no one should love for objecting to being thought of as a burden that was draining their substance.

The reason that I mention this is that since Elly completely lacks anything like self-awareness, she’s probably wondering why it is that Mike seems to want to destroy his kids’ summers forcing them to work and work and work. Now that she’s not a parent any longer, childhood should be for fun and happiness and freedom from corrosive nagging that makes children feel like crap.