August 28th, 2020

Snarky Candiru2

Meet The Acolyte

Every so often in this life, you're going to come across someone I like to call a plastic flower child. What I mean by this silly expression is a person who only seems to rebel against a social norm because it doesn't benefit him or her at a particular moment in time only to champion said norm when it works out to his or her advantage. As you might expect, this means that I'd like to rehash what makes Connie Poirier a pathetic, revolting and strident annoyance. When she first appeared, she stood around squawking about how John was an SOB trying to turn Elly into his slave because her first husband had taken off and gone when she was in a mood to dump all over him for wanting to make her live up to the false image of herself she'd projected to latch onto her own John. After all, Elly had married an up-and-comer so she simply had to copy a woman she'd fixated on for some baffling reason. Given her need to deflect blame away from herself, it was clearly John's fault that her first husband was a moron so he had to be punished and not her own fault for assigning Elly prestige and credibility she didn't deserve.

This leads us to the other reason why Connie is a pathetic clod. Not only did she ignore her own son in an attempt to keep up with her idiot best friend, she let the dullard inject two wildly unsuitable men into her life and mess up her head for her. If it wasn't that oafish momma's boy Ted of the roving eye making her crazier, the scrawny chicken woman had to contend with Phil, the poor man's Maynard G Krebs and his belief that marriage adds fifty years to a person. (And Elly says that she and Phil have little in common.) When both relationships collapsed because Ted and Phil realized that just because Connie might be good in bed, she might not be something they want in a house, the moron hared off to Thunder Bay so as to escape from what she saw as the harsh judgment of her peers and what a sane person would probably see as their apathy.

For a reason I'll get into in my next entry, she managed to land a bank manager and prevailed upon him to return home in triumph so as to impress the only person she truly cared about: Elly Patterson. She then spent the rest of her life baffling Elly by saying how much she envies her and laughing at her jokes. It'll be a God-damned blue-eyed miracle if she doesn't decide to off herself when Elly goes up the chimney and holler "Wait for me!!" when she slits her wrists.