dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,
dreadedcandiru2
dreadedcandiru2

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The Foobiverse Legion of Doom, part one - The Factiness of Life or the many loves of Lizardbreath.

A family of such self-perceived nobility and purity as the Pattersons have as a matter of course many enemies who knavishly dare to place obstacles in the way of Foob perfection and happiness. These jealous vermin hatefully conspire to subject our holy family to emotional discomfort and mild inconvenience. Silly, wrong-thinking people! Don't they realize that their destiny is to crawl along on their bellies wishing they were as good as the Foobs? The most pernicious of these evil ones are those who threaten the romantic happiness of Elizabeth the Pure. They dare complain that she callously and witlessly toys with their affections while expecting them to jettison lesser romances from their hearts. To compound their lies, they claims she will not sacrifice the least convenience for them while making them rearrange their lives on a whim. The first of these scoundrels is Eric the Lustful. His great crime was suggesting to ObliviLiz that since they were sharing lodgings she should go 'roadside' with him, when Lynn's will is for Granthony the Gray to marry a woman unsullied by thought or sexual experience. He then compounded his monstrousness by doing 'it' with someone of less purity and deceving our sainted amoeba-brain. (Pay no heed to the envious and spiteful who call her someone without a broomstick up her ass.) Her virtue and bliss were also under menace by Wing Commander Sleazoid Warren, Howard the Brute and most recently Cst. Wrong of the OPP. It is of little import that others may say the malignant will of the first two would be obvious to a mentally challenged five-year-old since they are corrupted by the dread unFooby heresy of paying attention to their surroundings. The false hero, Paul the ignoble savage, nearly slipped through her (meager) defenses. He scandalously deceived Elizabeth into thinking he would transfer to Toronto to be near her home *right now* instead of the dreary wasteland Spruce Narrows where she *used to be*. He then runs into the arms of HIS high school girlfriend, Susan the Straw woman who had replaced our hero as teacher when she had left the dread pesthole of Mtigiwhatchamacallit to find her destiny(Or as we sane, decent human beings say: reneged on her commitment to decent, trusting villagers on a childish whim). Since the only thing that matters to a Foob beside their own convenience is whatever they currently want, the claims of others that she had deceived herself are wrong on their face, as well as his need for happiness with his locker-room fantasy. This obscene notion that Foobs must never suffer the least obstacle to their will and they too must bend to other wills stems from a deep-seated vanity on the part of the writer and artist. For years, she's been described as an arrogant and stubborn control freak, who counters the truth and facts of others with truthiness and factiness. The sphere in which the noble spirit of truthiness must banish unpleasant facts, with their nasty way of making Lynn look a foolish anachronism, is the sphere that of gender relations. The reason that the interdomestic polecattery the Elizabeth character is subjected to is described in almost loving detail is that most of the romances LJ was part of ended with her being betrayed in some fashion, thus this useful factiness (and not-at-all sweeping, lunatic generalization):
1) I, Lynn Ridgway, am an average human female
and 2) Most of my boyfriends cheat on me
ergo 3)all men cheat given half the chance.
The first axiom can be safely said to be dubious at best. Most women are not belligerent narcissists who confuse a sullen refusal to enlighten themselves with firmness of character. Number two is also rubbish because slick jackasses like her first husband can use manifestly phony flattery to wrap freaks like her around their fingers without breaking a sweat, especially since crazy girls always jones for massive fuck-ups like that anyway. Number three is the daftest axiom of the lot because the vast army of future good little cits who would sooner hammer their tongues into the ground with a croquet hoop than cheat on their wives are slightly intimidated (scared fartless) by the LJs of this world.
Tags: big dirty world, liz: whining martyr
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