dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

The Patterson guide to dubious nutrition.

As we know, the Pattersons have eating habits that are atrocious. Not only do they eat pile-high helpings of horrible, fatty, salty, sugary food, they assume that healthy food is bland and unenjoyable. How do they instil such a lack of respect of good food that April is aware that fresh fruit exists but doesn’t know what to call it when she sees it? Simple; they start really early. As we saw on the new-ruin that appeared on 30 June 2009, Elly didn’t want to serve Lizzie a plain, dull old banana; she ‘had’ to dress it up with pretty, tasty, shiny sprinkles to protect her daughter from something that tastes like it was an organic substance. Even then, she failed of her immediate purpose of trying to hide the fact that she’d eaten all the cookies; she did, however, succeed in convincing Lizzie that the consumption of fruit and vegetables was a bad thing and consequence of misbehavior. The only figure in popular fiction I can think of with a similar diet is Ron Stoppable; they devoted a fourth-season episode of Kim Possible to reminding us that he thought that the Food Pyramid was a conspiracy hatched by the Man to harsh his groove. Where the people at Disney and Lynn part company is that they went out of their way to prove him wrong; as I recall, even Drakken thought that the buffoon’s idea of the ideal menu was a suicide note. Lynn, on the other hand, would have probably thought that the pushy red-head was being a picky-face Martian princess.

Tags: amazonian catfish tinfoil hat, child rearing disasters, one big oblivious family

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