- First off, he looks like a man but acts like a selfish little boy who thinks that his need to make a foolish spectacle of himself is the highest priority in the world; the needs of his family and society at large are a distant second place to his zooming around with a toy like a four-eyed Peter Pan.
- Next, one must contend with his complete lack of any regard for the feelings of the people in his life. He says and does what he wants and if other people get in the way, too bad for them. The upshot is that people who are genuinely hurt as the result of his inconsiderate and self-serving actions get mocked by a douchebag in a train engineer's outfit.
- He compounds his assiness by being amazingly sensitive to the least sign that he is not respected; like any brash pissant who gets off on riding roughshod over all the people in his field of vision, Johnny Boy is outraged at the least sign of disrespect. He also gets to define when he is disrespected so if you ask too many questions or don't give him the answer he wants when he wants it, watch the Hell out!!
- It's not bad enough that he's a self-serving, callous hypocrite suffering from the delusion that his family is trying to usher in primeval chaos because their hopes and dreams don't happen to coincide with the historically-shallow shibboleths he confuses with divine law; he's also a slow-witted clodhopper who needs three months' warning to figure out what's going on around him
- Finally, he's that most dangerous sort of hapless imbecile; the one that boasts about how he's smarter than any woman he's ever met. The idea that they have the right to tell him what to do depresses and confuses him because, well, he's an idiot.
Anthony is much the same way as a person but has what can be considered an advantage: he is afraid of Elly; that's about the only real difference between him and John, you see. John isn't really afraid of the women around him because he has enough cunning to bludgeon people into compliance with his whims even if he lacks the insight to realize that Ted, while longing for Connie, feared becoming dominated by her owing to his not being willing to be as big a rat bastard as John. Mike, of course, is the lowest of the low because he has the worst traits of both parents.