dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

With friends like the Foobs......

One of the less palatable facts of life in Milborough is having to be reminded that the Pattersons expect a lot of the people they call friends. As a for instance, look at the Settlepocalypse; instead of having Elly impart what little wisdom she had to her lush of a daughter or watching a parade of minor characters making their last star turn in a travesty of a Fellini movie, we had to watch damned near every one of their friends contribute to the wedding because they were grateful to their super-amazing friends, the Pattersons. This leads me to my inquiry: what have the Foobs done to deserve such tribute. I know it's impolite to answer my own question but, well, here's a break-down of what, if anything, the Pattersons did to deserve things on a friend-by-friend basis.

  • Annie: As you know, she handled the catering for the reception at the hotel where she worked. As you also know, Elly's initial reaction to her marital woes was to shun her like a leper because of a misunderstanding. Instead of realizing that her friend was in the terminal stage of the Foob infidelity cycle and subjecting Steve to eternal torment, she believed that Annie had let herself be oppressed and, as a result, spurned her like a rabid dog.
  • Gordon: Their reaction to his abuse was to simper about dark houses and let him handle it himself. Later on, John paid him seed capital and boasted about how he and the family were there for him; how odd that they regard cosigning a loan as an excuse to demand things of him. "Hire our choice for son-in-law, interfere in his marriage, supply us with vehicles, blah, blah, blah."
  • Lawrence: Second verse, same as the first; Lawrence got kicked out, the Pattersons (who were as in denial about his sexuality as Connie and Greg) ran around like chickens with their heads cut off and later on puffed themselves up as being his best friends.

In all three cases, the Pattersons were very reluctant to help unless there was something in it for them, they did next to nothing and they think that as a result of their inaction, they deserve to own people's horses. The answer to my question is that these people would be better off with a pit viper in their underwear drawer than the Pattersons in their lives. The problem, of course, is that the rules of the genre state otherwise; since this is chick lit, we're supposed to congratulate these vermin for vermining.
Tags: foob is chick lit, pattersons vs the world

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