dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

The Telling-off of the Patterswine, Part One: John.

Just as the only reason people haven't offered the Pattersons ultra-violence is that they have better things to do than get Pattergore on their hands, about the only reason someone hasn't proffered them a tall, cool pitcher of "Shut Yer Piehole, Jerkface" is that they know that they aren't going to be listened to and it isn't worth their time anyway. Only when pushed to an extreme would someone actually do something about the Pattersons and their horrible behavior. Let's imagine an extreme situation then; let's say that Mira, having attended the Settlepocalypse and seen the Patterfilth and the daughter she thought that she raised properly celebrate a tawdry, banal and repulsive festival of entitlement while denigrating the tasteful affair she just barely managed to arrange for Deanna, has had enough of their idiocy and will not keep silent one second longer. Bear with me as I show you how I think that she'd rip these freaks a new one. I'll start with the biggest, most rancid turd on the compost heap by assuming that something John said was so stupid, she could no longer keep quiet.

"Have I just gone insane or did I just hear you talk about how life is finally going your way? When hasn't it? My GOD, you and your family could fall into a pile of manure, pull out the Crown Jewels of jeezly England and complain about the smell!! You people coast through this life with almost no effort at all and yet you still whine about how hard your lot is and how you've suffered. Having endured your company for the last few years, it's sort of obvious that the cruelest torment you jerks have suffered is the unfair and evil indignity of having to consider viewpoints that are not your own. Not only do you, Doctor Patterson, have no respect, appreciation or gratitude for your idiot wife, you're not even smart or decent enough to be grateful for your kids. I don't know why you're all twisted up and evil inside but get this through your thick skull: your children don't owe you a living because you and Elly brought'em into the world. It's quite the other way around and to think otherwise is to be a monster. It also says nothing good about you that you're the sort of entitled goomba who moves his family to a cramped bungalow so he can play with toys and packs his kids off to a farm when they start thinking for themselves and questioning Daddy's right to own their horses. I shouldn't be surprised, though; you and your shrew of a wife have spent the last five years telling me that a marriage that gets in the way of your tawdry little plans for your middle child isn't legitimate because, well, you wouldn't be able to get what you want when you want it or that the skeevy little prick who whined that his wife expected him to not fuss over you vermin is the Antichrist. The worst of it is that you think you're a good person; you don't know the meaning of the word morality but you think you're honest."
Tags: evil mira, foob is chick lit, milbo althist

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