dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

The Telling-Off Of The Pattersons, Part Three: Mike.

Let's continue on with Mira telling the Pattersons exactly what she thinks of them. I should imagine at this point John is torn between wanting to pulverize Mira for telling so much truth and wanting to find a hole to crawl in and die because he can't avoid having to admit that she's right; Elly, on the other hand, is practically catatonic. The rest of the family are somewhat wary because she hasn't gotten to them yet. That's about to change, though:

" Oh, what's that, Michael? You don't like being called ridiculous or selfish? Well. then, don't make wedding toasts like the patronizing, demeaning, belittling, funny-as-three-caskets load of old cobblers you just delivered. You might think that you're witty but what you are is a whiny, sullen, empty-headed little brat who resents the fact that your idiot parents betrayed you by having another child; it's not her fault that your lazy, arrogant dimwit of a mother made your her primary caregiver because she thinks that she's too effing big a deal to have to be near children so get over yourself and quit throwing a temper fit. Thirty years is too long for a tantrum to last. Oh, wait; to do that, you'd have to be aware of how other people saw the world around you. You can't call yourself a real writer because you're a chode whose understanding of the world hasn't progressed much farther than "Sum kids were lost but were fownd." I mean, really; I've heard you talk about your landlady from University and her life of real privation, abuse and disappointment and realized why she's not going to be all smiles and giggles no matter how good the rest of her life might be. You, on the other hand, whine "But whyyyyyyyyy is she so grumpy? I caaaaaaaaan't understand it" like the slow-witted and insensitive little boy you are. All her sorrow and pain meant to you is that you had a nifty story to turn into abuse porn. Sure, you had help bulking it up and making it harder to follow but your mother is no better a guide to good English than she is a source for parenting tips. You might think that a real writer barricades himself in his study and bars his children from his life but that's just not the case; the reason your idiot mother said that is that she's too dumb to multitask. What really bothers me, of course, is the stupid way you handled your former career in the publishing industry. Not only did you go crying to Mommy because Mean Ol'Mr Gluttson asked you to make a decision, you destroyed your professional reputation and left a huge mess for your successor to clean up. Not that I could have expected better; not only are you too stupid to realize that your parents want to own your horses, you don't even get how you got hornswoggled into having a farce wedding by a master deceiver."
Tags: evil mira, foob is chick lit, mikerobe: the universal infant, milbo althist

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