dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

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Video Foobery: the FBorFW specials.....

As you know, Lynn not only had a one-season wonder television series on Teletoon (a sort of Canadian equivalent of Cartoon Network), she'd commissioned a series of animated specials. Let's go back through the years to see what, if anything, may be learned from them.

  1. The Bestest Present: Lynn's first foray into the animated special game was, of course, a Christmas special; to summarize the plot, Lizzie accidentally loses her favorite stuffed rabbit over the holidays and we spend about twenty-five minutes waiting for an original character to show up with the toy and teach the Pattersons The Real Meaning Of The Holidays. It should be noted that Aaron and Kate did the voices of their avatars and Mike was a dick.
  2. The Last Camping Trip: We begin the special watching Mike looking forward to spending the summer at a friend's family's cottage; before you can say "You know better than that, stupid!!", John and Elly inform him that his presence is required when they take the whole bloody family on a camping trip to the West coast to visit old people. Despite said relatives vaguely alluding as to how Mike felt slighted because his hopes were casually disregarded, much grousing is done by John and Elly about his attitude. The one bright spot is that he compares notes with a young woman with insensitive dick parents of her own.
  3. A Christmas Angel: The second Christmas special features John and Elly double-teaming Liz about her alleged duty to look after April and Mike being no help; a phony climax is reached when the Pattersaints think that she fell through the ice and are temporarily willing to overlook her not doing what is most convenient to them. Also, Elly bitches about hard work and the titular angel tells Liz that the Almighty has a soft spot for people who can absorb loutishness with aplomb.
  4. The Good For Nothing: A Halloween special in which Lynn dredges up Mike's being bullied by Brad Luggsworth; an important moral lesson is learned about how people act like jerks because they have hard lives or are mistreated. (Batiuk did it better back when he had Bull talk about how his asshole drunk of a dad waled on him.)
  5. A Valentine from the Heart: We have Mike throwing the lamest Valentine's Day party ever, Liz getting her shorts in a wad not only because she doesn't get to go to parties that Greg Brady would call pathetic but because April is into the Valentine she's making from the heart and Elly fixing things by spouting a meaningless platitude.
  6. The Sweet Deal/The Babe Magnet: We begin things with Mike champing at the bit to get his own wheels because Elly always needs her car for martyring herself. He and Gordo wind up buying a clunker from the dude Gordo eventually buys out, Elly spouts mush about independence and Gordo learns that he can sell anything to anyone. It might as well be called "The Birth of a Bottom-feeder Used Car Salesman Who Hires Men Who Have No Hoooooome."
  7. A Storm in April: Elly goes to the library and gets her panties in a bunch about how naughty April is because she can't freaking be bothered to remember that she can't simply plop a four-year old down and leave her unattended; this leads into how traumatized she was to have to deliver her at home and a reminder that the dumbass forgot that she spent her thirties complaining about how demonic her docile offsprings were.

Conclusion: Aside from the typical warped Aesops, smugness, victimism, selective memory and passive-aggressive twaddle Lynn is famous for, we learn that Canadian actors can get behind anything. Did it matter to them that the morals and mores of the people they were asked to portray are such as cause nations to gird for war? Not at all! An actor's got to eat, right?!
Tags: video foobery

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