- First, we have to deal with the fact that Elly even now clearly seems to despise Phil and refuses to reconcile herself to his being born without her prior approval; the same woman who loves to nurse her resentment turns around and insists that Mike and Liz get along.
- Next, we remember that John had to stretch his tiny mind to the limit to pass his courses and that Elly could barely pass the entry exam to Grade One; said ineducable jerks hector their children about the need to buckle down and study. This tendency is made all the more ridiculous by having imbecile Liz piously chant unhelpful buzzwords to a frustrated April.
- Every so often, a child will get a lecture about table manners from a woman who rivals Farley in the messy, smacky, gobbly nasty way she shovels the food down her throat.
- It's always entertaining in a mildly disgusting way to watch thin-skinned jerks like John and Elly lecture the small ones on the need to lighten up.
- Finally, we see Elly or John give a speech about the need to listen to other people's concerns when their reaction to things they'd rather not hear is stony, angry silence.
The reason, of course, that they can say those things with such authority is that they've willed themselves to not see that they have those flaws; Elly doesn't know that she's a peevish imbecile with a poor grasp of the English language and atrocious table manners and John honestly believes himself to be a straight shooter and not at all a stubborn git who lets his foolish pride get in the way of admitting that he doesn't know what he's talking about.
Their hypocrisy and self-delusion also extends to giving one explanation for a certain behavior when another applies. Take, for instance, how we had to look at John anxiously waiting for Elly to return home after her big exam; in real life, we'd have to concede that he was simply worried about her physical well-being knowing that she tends to get violently crazy when she gets what she calls mildly tipsy and what police call having a .08 blood alcohol level. He'd have to wonder if she'd gotten into an accident or started a fight or simply lost track of time because she was too out of it to know what time it is.
Too bad for us that this is the Foobiverse and John can only worry about one thing: whether Elly had gotten into some other man's bed. Lynn's notes, you see, made it quite clear that John is halfway convinced that when Elly is out by herself of an evening, she's either having a one-night stand with some stranger or trolling for same. The thing is that since he'd rather live to see forty, he can't accuse her directly even if, for some reason, he should go against the Pattersonian grain and tell someone what was bothering him. That means that he'd have to tell her that he was simply worried that she'd gotten hurt or something. The need the Pattersons have to shy away from any sort of confrontation ensures that people only find out what other people really think in an extreme situation. Otherwise, we have to deal with a sullen attempt to pass off lies as truth.