dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Mira, Mira, Getting Reamed........

You'll have noticed one thing that links the last two people I'd mentioned in my looking-forwards in horror at the upcoming Liographies: both Rhetta and Martha dared challenge Mike's authority to do whatever he wanted to whenever he wanted to. The reason that no one in the strip ever told Mike to shut his stupid face and quit whining because women had minds of their own is that it's created by an idiot who really doesn't like the idea of being independent. In her and Mike's mind, a woman's lot is to have the illusion of independence while really being under the authority of a skeevy, boorish, self-absorbed, entitled, lazy-ass boor like John, Mike or Assthony. This would mean that any sort of Liography for Mira would have to be viewed through the prism of her being the ultimate challenge to Mike's unalienable right to act like one of the crass, fruity, sneering and laddishly vulgar abominations that passed for male leads in sixties sitcoms.

Let us thus review what we are allowed to know about her. Given that what we are allowed to know seems to consist mainly of ad hominem attacks directed at her by the vindictive and weak-willed, let's contrast the calumny with the truth:

  1. "She's a domineering battle-ax of a wife": What this translates to in plain English is that she's not content to simply whine about assholish behavior and then fold; what alarms, confuses and disgusts the walking, talking Electra complex with the Carol Brady flip-do called "Deanna" is that instead of rolling over for HER DADDY!!!!!! like she's "supposed to", Mira does things and makes them stick.
  2. "She's a control freak who never let Deanna have a real childhood": I think that we can all safely agree that one of the worst things about Elly is that she spent most of her life completely unaware of what her children were up to and totally freaking hated the idea of being an active part of their lives. The same Deanna who admires Elly her cravenness in the face of John's assclownery is revolted by the memory of Mira's taking an active interest in her life and trying to become part of it.
  3. "She's a hateful social climber": Since Deanna impresses me as being Daddy's little idiot girl, she doesn't quite get that Mira's work-to-win philosophy and need to get ahead in the world comes from the knowledge that despite what certain mushheaded children who never wanted for anything believe, there's nothing especially ennobling about poverty.
  4. "She's a closed-minded religious zealot." Unlike Deanna or the sainted Pattersons, Mira has well-defined religious beliefs that shape her life; we can disagree with them but, unlike the Foobs, we shouldn't dismiss them because they complicate sham weddings or hinder Pattersnarfing.
  5. "She wants to run Mike's life and enmesh him in her family politics": She's gone on record as not believing in the writer's trance and thinks that the Pattersonian belief in drifting through life waiting for the miracle of the misery of others to benefit them is a ludicrous way to treat her beloved but errant youngest daughter. What's more, she says so.
  6. "She wants to overrule Deanna as a parent": She wants to play with the children and have them do things. Since Deanna wants the awful urge they have for stimulation to go away so they can be perfect little zombie children, this is terrible.
  7. "She has to win all the time.": She's not content to simply let the Pattersons dictate to her like Clarice Caine will. 

This tells me that her ludicrous tale won't even have the hope for a Patterfuture that the other horrible women who tried to emasculate (Lynnglish for “civilize” or “turn a whiny, self-absorbed little puke into something recognizable as being human”) Mike got. She'll simply die a witless shell of a woman babbling incoherently about how no one listens to her. This, of course, after a life of learning the wrong lessons, dominating Wilf, trying to become Deanna's brain and hoping for the terrible day in which the Pattersons would be enslaved by her family politics.
Tags: evil mira, the liographies

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