dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,
dreadedcandiru2
dreadedcandiru2

Lovey Saltzmann: the woman, the deathtrap and the sudden wonderfulness.

What makes the Liographies for people the Pattersons hate all the more repulsive and ridiculous is the sort of mush directed at people they admire. The example of that sort of thing that comes most readily to mind is the bizarre and incoherent mess that is the Liography of Agnes Dingle. We have the bog-standard tyrannical parents who seem to have commuted from the eighteen forties, the life of pointless misery on the anachronism farm, the lout husband with his mind stuck somewhere in the Paleolithic, Agnes martyring herself witlessly and needlessly on the pagan altar of a fool's idea of respectability and, most insanely of all, redemption by being in the presence of a moronic suburbanite who can listen to her litany of lost opportunities and heartache and state "I have no intention of ever making any sort of logical connection between your horrible past and your inability to smile." The load of ordure I've just described seems to me to be the pattern for Liographies that celebrate the lives of those the Pattersons approve of.

What it also does is warn us about what to expect to see when Lovey Saltzmann's build-up job blights cyberspace. She, you see, is a reformed domineering mother who seems to see it as her mission in life to make sure that Mira does what she's supposed to and stop worrying so much about Deanna. What she also is is a horrific, logic-defying amalgamation of every sitcom stereotype about Jewish women that have every infuriated the JDL. This Yiddish-spouting irritant seems to be cool and wonderful not only because she wants Mira to lay back and submit to Pattersonian authority but also because she graciously permits them to live in a barn-like, poorly-maintained deathtrap of an apartment so that Deanna can have the ennobling experience of rickety staircases, faulty wiring and unpleasant neighbors.

The fact that Lovey has ruined her life by wanting to be there for her children instead of letting them go and do whatever stupid thing they take a mind to tells us that we can expect some horrible scene in which the ungrateful snot she calls a daughter makes a ridiculous comment meant to show us what a domineering meat-axe Lovey used to be but will only serve to show us what a bonehead her child is. Also, Deanna will be seen as a second chance at being emotionally, physically and morally (but not financially) absent from her children's lives.

Ah, well. At least she doesn't come from a war zone.
Tags: lovey, the liographies
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