dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Dueling Settlepocalypses: Marciuliano versus Johnston.

The interesting thing about the comic strip "Sally Forth" is that its writer, a Ces Marciuliano, has made a late-summer wedding the engine currently driving the plot forward. What is more, the bride to be wants to contribute nothing to the planning of the thing but whining and passive-aggressive bitchery. If you'll allow me, I'll contrast and compare the two to see which author is better at describing a Settlepocalypse.

The Bride to Be:
Johnston: Liz is seen as someone who deserves a happy ending after being forced out into a big, scary world while being shown to be a passive lump who wants other people to live her life for her.
Marciuliano: Jackie is seen as a selfish, lazy adult child about to walk into a disaster in order to spite her sister. It turns out that this is the case.
Advantage: Marciuliano.

The Groom:
Johnston: Anthony is described as being a great guy who needs to learn to love and trust again after being mauled by an evil, ambitious career woman; the fact of the matter is that he's a sunken-chested dimwit who has to settle for a pallid little twit like Liz because he's an invertebrate who couldn't deal with a real woman.
Marciuliano: Ralph is described as being evil incarnate when it's broadly hinted that his being evil consists of being Ted McCauley with less hair.
Advantage: a tie.

The Wedding Planning:
Johnston: Liz's refusal to do anything but carp and panic is seen as pretty much a harmless eccentricity by everyone who isn't a Martian.
Marciuliano: Jackie's tendency to leave it all up to Sally only to bitch whenever her older sister comes up with an idea is seen as an aggravating act of pettiness and immaturity.
Advantage: Marciuliano.

The Wedding Planner:
Johnston: Elly is seen as a great old gal for making sure that Liz does as little as possible.
Marciuliano: Sally is seen as becoming progressively frustrated by the irritating and unreasonable demands made on her time.
Advantage: Marciuliano.

The Mother of the Bride:
Johnston: Again, Elly is wonderful because she managed to make sure that Liz stays home where she belongs. This is nuts because home is what messed Liz up in the first place.
Marciuliano: Sally and Jackie's mother is seen as a pompous, blustering pain in the arse who wants to make sure that Sally doesn't pick on Jackie like she did growing up. Since Ces has established that most of what's wrong with Sally is that she was Jackie's primary caregiver owing to parental default, this is seen as adding to our hero's woes.
Advantage: Marciuliano.

The Wedding Itself:
Johnston: What most outsiders would see as the culmination of hateful manipulation leading to a loveless sham marriage is seen as the magical happy ending Lynn needed the strip to have.
Marciuliano: Sally and Ted will be holding their tongue about the disaster that everyone who isn't Jackie, Ralph and Sally's mother sees coming lest they be rebuffed when the inevitable happens.
Advantage: Marciuliano.

The Human Cost:
Johnston: A wondrous time was had by everyone who was invited to the adult table at the reception. The Martian watching the kiddies...not so much.
Marciuliano: Sally will be depicted as feeling as if she's aged ten years...just like what would happen if it happened to you or me.
Advantage: Marciuliano.

This means that in every way that matters, Cesco Marciuliano has done the world the enormous favor of showing us how horrible a real Settlepocalypse would be.
Tags: cesco the great, execudroid, lynn versus the real world, settlenuptuals

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