dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Learn from total freaking boneheads: the Pattersonian path to failure.

As I suggested yesterday, the same Danny that you and I would regard as an irritating clod with an unseemly need to prove how little he really knows about the world by spouting simple-minded guff is treated as some sort of sort of minor prophet by the Pattersaints. They're just stupid enough to think that the coincidence that makes "prayer" and "prairie" sound similar is some sort of magic sign that exposure to barnyard animals, clannish imbecile farmers and cluster flies (don't ask) is as ennobling an experience as being told that since one is not an orphaned refugee in a warzone, it's okay that your entitled scoundrel of an older brother gets to seize your home because he's too lazy, selfish and weak-willed and too damned suspicious of someone who's really generous to move his family elsewhere and that your callous moron parents who have never wanted to defend your interests because that would clash with their belief that they're victims of a plot to deprive them of what they think they deserve (in layman's terms, that would mean "the Universe and everything in it) treat you like a vicious horror freak who wants to make said brother and his family die in a gutter because you want your room back.

The reason that the Pattersons seek out this sort of fatuous source of moral authority is, of course, that the monkey spouting the dreary tosh tells them what they want to hear. Danny tells them that backbreaking unpaid labour and the verbal abuse of yawping bumpkins makes children wonderful and Eva tells April that her expiration date needs checking. Contrast that with the way they treat people who tell them what they need to hear. A lot of why Thérèse is pure evil with diacritics in her name is that she brusquely informed Liz that no, the Sixth Commandment didn't have a footnote that said emotional adultery was okay if the co-respondent happened to be Lizardbreath, Mira is bad news because she says that Mike's career plans can only make sense if one has a long-term habit of substance abuse and April furiously denied that she was being an asshole to Becky out of jealousy, spite and insecurity.
Tags: one big oblivious family

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