This, as I've said before, is owing to the fact that Elly seems to actively want to be miserable and to feel as if she's losing all the time in order to feel big and important. After all, if she's not suffering the torments of the damned, she's just like everyone else and that would be evil, unfair and cruel. This leaves us asking the question of who wins when Elly starts foaming at the mouth about how awful and selfish her children are to their faces after they do something less prickly people would let slide. She certainly doesn't win. She lost a Hell of a lot of peace of mind thinking that every single thing that they ever did was part of a long-term project to destroy her freedom of expression; she even half-way realizes that her need to agitate, her need to swoop down and bellow about how horribly they were treating her, how ungrateful they were meant that she pissed away her life being pointlessly angry. Heck, she even loses because she's seen not as a loving mother but as a prickly loudmouth whose reaction to the least thing is to scream in blind, unthinking rage.
Her children also don't win. After all, most of why Mike and Liz believe that no one else's opinion but their own matters is that they were raised by an inflexible bitch who seemed to delight in reminding that not only did their opinion not matter, having one meant that they were bad children who loved chaos and hated her and blah, blah, blah, WAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! Simply put, Elly's need to win the fights she picked with them sabotaged them by making them see the world as being filled with enemies to conquer. Said enemies include their own children so that the cycle of being pointlessly offended and getting into needless rows continues merrily on even unto the seventh generation.
This means that society at large loses because a creepy narcissist with a fragile ego and a persecution complex that's so large, it's visible from space had to nail herself to her cross because her horrible children betrayed her by growing up and developing free will and saddened her by never coming her with any sort of difficulty. This is what they mean when they say that if you argue with a small child, you lose by default. Given Elly's failure to learn this lesson, it means that no one wins.