dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,
dreadedcandiru2
dreadedcandiru2

The Thanksgiving Litmus Test.

As I reminded you yesterday, Lynn's brain is made up of media stereotypes. Time and again, we see reminders that she honestly believes that her life was recorded live in front of a studio audience, That being said, I'd like to talk about a Very Special Sort of Episode that she, unlike most other artists, has not seen fit to put in her strip: the traditional Thanksgiving-equals-domestic-infighting episode. As Ebert reminds us, television and movies always use Turkey Day as a backdrop for families in conflict. What this means is that her unshakable belief that all Americans everywhere would get angry with her and stop reading her strip and demand military action should she reveal that Canadians don't celebrate the occasion on the same day God and Congress intended has translated into her missing out on a chance to show us who the Pattersons really are.

This is probably for the best, however. After all, the Pattersons are perfectly capable of looking at a life filled with blessings and simpering that they have nothing at all to be thankful for. I mean, the Pattersons like to admit that they have it pretty sweet almost as much as they like to lose face by apologizing for the harm that they do others. Not, of course, that this is a problem. After all, she has her fans well trained enough that she can get away with the whole "Woe is us, we have a life ninety-nice percent of the human race envies" bull-huckey.

Speaking of well-trained fans, most of her peers love to hammer on about the same damned thing every November. Most of them make a rather generic comment about how Long-Suffering Way-too-hot-for-HIM Mom gets her ass in an uproar because Unappreciative Fat Idiot Dad would rather watch football than help with cooking but there are three that stand out: "Curtis", "Sally Forth" and "Funky Winkerbean." Bear with me as I remind you of the standardized jackassery that they offer us.

First off, we must remind ourselves that every year, the Wilkins of the comic strip "Curtis" go all out to make a big show of how generous they are while not actually being generous. Every damned year, Greg and Diane put on a beatiful spread to impress their unappreciative families and every year, they fail to do anything but irritate the title character. What makes that really suck is the idea of inviting Chutney, a child whose only known family is her widowed father, would probably break Diane's brain. It would no more occur to her to be truly generous than it would to listen to people instead of rolling her empty freaking head and running her God-damned mouth about things she doesn't know crap-all about. Said example of cloddishness is always accompanied by a greeting-card moral about appreciating one's blessings.

To continue on with self-defeating behavior and its discontents, Sally Forth feels compelled to make herself crazy every November covering for her lazy, entitled drunk of a mother and entitled scatterbrain of a sister because she cannot and will not accept that she will never get a damned bit of praise or gratitude for anything she does. Just as Linus thinks that if he finds a sincere-enough pumpkin patch, the Great Pumpkin will appear, Sally thinks that this is the year that talking to her mother and sister will not be like talking to a radio or a block of granite. As Canadian essayist Stephen Leacock said a century or so ago, "If at first you don't succeed, quit, quit at once!!"

Of course, the granddaddy of all arcs that serve futility for the holidays is the subject of my next entry: Funky Winkerbean's annual band turkey sale idiocy.
Tags: amazonian catfish tinfoil hat, execudroid, holidazed pattersons, surgically attached hat
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