dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,
dreadedcandiru2
dreadedcandiru2

On letting go very slowly.

To continue on from where I left off yesterday, it seems to me that Elly seems to be not especially aware that her children take their cue on how to react to a situation by seeing how she reacts to it. This leads to her blundering her way into problems owing to a subconscious need of hers to freeze them in place developmentally so she'll always have a purpose and not be left behind and forgotten and so on and so forth through the paranoid dread of living in vain. What I think is happening is that when a child shows signs of growing up, the same nutcase who honestly believed that she was five seconds away from dying of rampaging senility when she was thirty-five was clearly terrified.

This, I think, is most of why Lizzie was terrified of the unfamiliar for so very long. What Elly never seemed to realize is that Lizzie picked up on the fear and guilt written on her face whenever she had to part company with her. I myself might not have a child but I can imagine that when he or she sees his or her mother look scared, there must be something about the place that is scary. I also remember that said hypothetical child isn't going to tamp down his or her feelings merely to make Mommy's life easier. Since it takes years to gain a measure of emotional control, the child will, I should think, rather predictably balk at something that inspires such discomfort in a parent. The problem is that while Elly's subconscious is all about the dread of being alone and living a life without any sort of meaning to it, her conscious mind wants Lizzie to do what horrified her subconscious self. We thus have a child stuck in the insane dilemma of trying to please a mother who wants her to be both the independent child who makes her life easier and the helpless little baby that makes her feel needed.
Tags: elly versus herself
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