dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

The gift of stupidity: a Patterson Christmas tradition.

Now that we're hip-deep in the glass angel story arc, I'd like to take a bit of a break from talking about how the Pattersons can never seem to understand that what they think should happen is not what will happen to talk about how miraculous it is that a member of the Patterson family got a family member something he or she might actually like. This, I should think, is because John had very little to do with the selection process. As we've seen, we're dealing with a man who not only doesn't know his own wife's measurements, he doesn't have a clue as to how tall she is. As I commented on years ago, the man has no real idea what Elly would like to get owing to his inability to figure out that when she says that she wants something practical, she's hoping that he'll read her mind and get her some sort of jewelry. Since she married him for his money and not his brains, the only reason that she gets something that isn't an appliance, a set of snow tires or a large container of soap is when someone female like Jean or Lizzie is there to hint as to what women would actually want to get. This is normally followed by an arch remark about how the Three Wise Men got to be wise by making busy women with noooooo help and nooooooooo time to themselves do all the work.

That being said, slamming Rod by proxy isn't the only thing gift-giving is good for. Lynn can also use the giving of gifts as a means of giving a middle finger to other people she doesn't like. As by way of example, we have to deal with Thérèse Caine and Mira Sobinski as both the givers and the recipients of gifts. As we all remember, the Evil Career Woman was made even more evil because she wanted seed money for the Weird French Girl's RESP instead of baby clothes that she'd outgrow and the Domineering Mother In Law never respected the Pattersons' generosity because she had to win all the time. Speaking of time, both women are subjected to canting nonsense about how time is better than gifts; when you remember that Mira gives both and Elly neither, this is rather something of a ludicrous thing to say.

The most annoying thing about the war on gift-giving is something that howtheduck notice. What interested him is looking at strips that have one of the Pattersons buying an expensive gift on some holiday and lamenting that the holiday requires gift-giving. The odd thing about this sort of whining is the timing: right when Lynn was getting divorced again; it would seem that her bitterness leached out and took the form of making the Pattersons into miserly idiots.
Tags: one big oblivious family

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