dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Mike's Waterloo: A scenario.....

Of course, we don't really have to wait a century for the Pattersons to learn that Stone Season is thought of as being poorly written, overly long and horribly misogynistic. Once the reviewers realize that Mike is dead serious about the story of Harvey and Sheilagh, he will be regarded as just another man who writes books for women that hate women. Not, of course, that he wants to see this. Given that he doesn't realize that he has no real patience for gender equality, the idea that his life's work is regarded by someone as reproducing the Ike and Tina dynamic would anger him. Just as Lynn thinks that she's writing a nice little strip about a nice little family when she's actually created the story of a bad family who do bad things and get away with it, what Mike thinks is a story about a heroine who succeeds against long odds is actually the story of a passive idiot who stupidly absorbed abuse from a no-hoper because that's a woman's 'strength'. What he saw as his character's ability to endure, a sterner eye sees as a suicidal lack of common sense and self-respect. The frightful, loathesome and unneccesary image of a woman giving birth by herself in an isolated farmhouse in late 1940s Saskatchewan because her greedy, self-absorbed, negligent husband is too heartless and stupid to take her to the hospital is not the heroic thing the Delicate Genius thinks it is. It is instead abuse porn. His lack of affection for his children because they're too tiny to help pay off the mortgage is also a rather repulsive thing to see. The only worse thing to see is the lack of self-awareness on Michael's part; when he blithers on witlessly about being Harvey, he's closer to the truth than he knows.

The reason that I mentioned all of this is because at some point in the near future, someone is just going to flat out say that his labour of love, his heroic story of a heroic woman who was a hero is little more than a disgusting, implausible, poorly-written, incoherent horror story of a passive victim who stayed with a rotter until he died and she became a burnt-out wreck because that's what women have to do. My guess is that he'll be so angered that the reviewer tried to twist his words into meaning something that they didn't (or, as we say in English, scare him with the scary prospect that the scary person who wants to humiliate him might be right) that he'll do something very stupid: sue the person. This would be suicide; after all, the other person would certainly do something Mike never anticipated and find out who the dumb bastard who ran home to Mommy because his boss wanted him to clear out the deadwood is. What he is is a guy who took a puff piece about his crusty old bat landlady, changed the names and passed it off as something that came to him from the Gods of Creativity. He's also a shmuck who blithers witlessly about muses that appear to a lucky few....not to mention a whiny bitch who's destined to scream about the unfairness of having to pay the Dingles their fair share of the rights.

What's really going to hurt is that his home life and the lives of the rest of the family will come under the microscope once someone does to him what he did to poor Divala. Once an outraged public learns about the Big Fat Sham Wedding, The Coming After, The Housening and the Settlepocalypse, Mike and the other Foobs will really take it up the ass. Worse, he'll have to be confronted with something he's wanted to avoid having to see all his life: the Mike Patterson other people see. He'll see the indifferent student who thought his teachers were trying to trick him in humiliating himself, the pathetic shlub who was always up for a dare because he never realized that he was being tricked into humiliating himself, the jerk boyfriend who made a whiny bitch of himself because his girlfriend du jour demonstrated the free will girls weren't supposed to have, the pompous twit who takes potshots at people who offend him, the stuffed shirt employer who did jack-all when in charge and had to be chased out, the sullen dork older brother who fears being replaced by someone cuter, the lazy, inattentive father, the husband who thinks of his wife as his slave and finally, the asshole kid who resents the idea that his mother wants to be more than his servant.

Granted, he isn't going to learn anything from having his nose rubbed in the truth but we can take comfort in the fact that the catalogue of his sins will make him immortal.
Tags: mike versus elly, milbo althist

  • Meet The Proxies.

    The irritating thing about having to remember the mess the Pattersons kept making of their love lives until they settled down with the safe person…

  • Starring Mike Patterson as Errorprone The Stumbler.

    The interesting thing about this Summer's transformation from Dirt Of The Earth Michael to The Delicate Genius is that over the years, Michael is…

  • Why Michael could not call for help.....

    The irritating thing about John's breezy assumption that it's safe to leave April at the tender mercies of his idiot son is that he doesn't really…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.