dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

On not the art of facing children when you speak to them.

To continue on with Elly not having the least idea that people interpret her behaviour in a way that she does not intend them to, let's take a good look at something she does every day without even noticing she's doing it. You see, when Elly lays down the law, what she usually ends up doing is turning her back to them while making a face like she smelled something terrible. As I said, she isn't aware that she's doing this because she really doesn't pay much attention to what's going on around her. The same woman who can look back at her past and state that now that she's sixty, she's finally starting to feel old thinks that she was approachable and warm when, in fact, her children regarded her as a closed-off iceberg who couldn't lower herself to talk to them.

The reason, of course, is that since Elly is incapable of reading body language and doesn't understand that other people can, she has no idea that people pay attention to how she behaves. She hasn't the blindest idea that she comes across as being rude and condescending when she does that. She also doesn't realize that she's sending the message that whatever her children has to say is so wrong, she doesn't want to look at them, their wrongness disgusts her so much. The end result of all of this is that Elly has no idea why her children treat her like some sort of petty tyrant who lives to bust their asses because she can't stand the idea of children being happy and who can never be satisfied with anything they do. She wants so very much to be understood and appreciated but since she's a stupid idiot who doesn't 'get' that the way she behaves is important ended up being thought of as a testy lecturer who hates children and can't allow herself to be happy. Any message that she might otherwise have gotten across is thus lost in the noise about how awful her children are to her because she's too damned fragile to cope with normal life.
Tags: elly on her cross, elly versus her family

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