dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Handwringing 101: How to fill a Martian-sized hole.

It seems to me that given that we're dealing with a strip of, by and for small-minded, small town housewives who fear and hate the world outside their cage, the elimination of April from the strip would leave a gaping chasm that needs to be filled with things to be afraid of. I'll cover how to fill Elly with fear of the devil computers that require her to learn things in my next entry. What I'm going to cover today is what Lynn would have to do in order to fill up all the time not spent on Elly chasing after a small child and whining about how tied down she is. It seems to me that yesterday's look at how most of why Elly sent her children to Exile Farm was to step on relationships that frightened her makes me think that instead of kid strips, we would have gotten more ranting from Elly about how her children were too close to love interests they barely saw.

This need of Elly's to fret about the terrible possibility of the children not keeping themselves pure would, of course, have nothing to do with their well-being. As this strip clearly indicates, we're meant to think that it's right and proper that a dowdy wallflower who scowled her way through high-school because no one wanted to date a shrill, ignorant twinkie who lived to take everything the wrong way wants to punish the happy people for making her miserable. This need to avenge herself on people she's convinced herself want to destroy her trumps any minor consideration like the well-being of her irrelevant offspring or anything like a fact. The fact of the matter is that despite what she might think, her children would probably have been all right if left alone. A sane person would see that Martha and Rhetta would be two somebodies Mike used to know and not future Mrs Delicate Geniuses.

Lynn is not a sane person. Lynn is a defiant, angry child who never grew up and uses her strip as a club with which to bludgeon people she feels have wronged her. This means that instead of annoying cute kid strips, we'd have ended up watching more of Elly whimpering about the dangers of friendly, polite little girls and clumsy, ham-fisted attempts to imply that someone policed far more strictly than any Patterson ever was is a tramp. Also, we'd have to endure actually having to watch Martha be a fat, desperately lonely divorced mother of two with no immediate prospects so as to punish her for not realizing that Mike was her brain.

This sort of brings me to the real problem with Elly's need to step on relationships. The first part of the problem is that despite there being plenty of good reasons to keep children from rushing head-long into physical love before they're emotionally ready for the consequences, Lynn and her co-cannibals ignore the Hell out of them because they don't care if Tyler is too damned young to be a dad because they're too damned young to be grannies and would lose too much status in the process. The self-serving need to maintain their standing thus marches hand-in-hand with slut-shaming to make it clear that Lynn could have fulfilled her need to slam teenagers without having them people her strip. After all, a lot of teenagers these days say something dangerous when they make horrifying noise about how their mommy parts aren't the exclusive property of whatever man they happen to land.
Tags: coffee talkers, lynn versus the real world, mars in retrograde

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