dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Abby Caine: The New Model Hindrance....

If you'll allow me, I'd like to conclude my look at why we didn't actually need April to prove that Lynn cannot write anything that she isn't currently experiencing by reminding you all of what everyone in the strip remembers: the very useless death of Farley the dog. We all know that in the normal course of events, things would have gone something like this:

Panel 1: We find Elly struggling with yet another load of laundry. What she doesn't know is that Farley is directly in her path.

Panel 2: Elly trips over Farley.

Panel 3: As she picks herself up, she thought-bubbles "Grumble, Snort, Expletive Deleted Hound" as she gets ready to kick him for being in her way.

Panel 4: Once she looks at him, she realizes that he died overnight and screams in shock.

because of that whole "Let's not notice him or pay attention to him unless he inconveniences us" thing we've got going on.

The problem is that Beth thought that Farley was owed a heroic send-off as a way of making up for years of being the family punching bag. This means that we have to have him die rescuing someone. Without April, that someone could well have been Anthony's sister Abby. Every so often, she'd show up and make a feeble attempt at apologizing for it and then graduate to finding E-VILE Career Women cooler than doughy, clingy, needy child-women who want Daddy and Mommy to wuv Nizzie.

Since she'd get the thrill of castigating the young for not thinking like old women without the headache of being asked irritating questions about loose ends and incompetent parenting on the Pattersons' part, it seems like Lynn made a dumb move introducing April.
Tags: mars in retrograde

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