dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Why Ted Is Kept Around.....

You'll have noticed over the years that John really doesn't seem to think much more of his sidekick Ted than Elly does. As we've seen and are going to see, John is the first one up at bat mocking the Hell out of the man when he gets mauled by life. About the only thing that he loves more than rubbing it in that Ted screwed himself real good when it came to his failure to be the man Connie needed is hectoring him about how his puerile stupidity cost him his marriage to Irene. It would seem that most of the time, John needs to have Ted around so that there's someone who can always make him feel superior.

Of course, being an affable buffoon John can look at and say "Thank GOD that that ain't ME!!" isn't the only reason Ted is still in his address book. Simply put, John needs to have someone in his life who can tell him that no, he isn't an indolent, puerile, passionless buffoon husband without empathy, remorse or the ability to learn from experience screwing his life up by insisting on not admitting that everything he believes about women and their role in the world is self-serving horseshit he should be ashamed to have ever believed. The other men he knows tell him to his face to join the human race; not good ol'No Normal Woman Will Have Him Ted. Ted is right there stuck in the dead and best forgotten past with him.

Given that Ted is the only person in the world who honestly believes that ass-scratching total Piltdown Man is far too generous and understanding, it would seem that his leading export is an unjustifiable feeling of superiority. After all, if Elly had found a less moronic meal ticket, John would still be a bachelor on the prowl.
Tags: john needs vitamin stfu, john patterson: complete monster, ted: playah dood

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