dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

On the absence of Lawrence and its discontents.

As history teaches us, the default response of a Patterson (or Patterson-like life form) to being left behind is to wail piteously for months on end about how there's a great big hole in his or her chest left after the other person reached in, yanked it out and laughed as he or she crushed it in his or her machine while the victim watched in despairing horror and horrified despair. It's sickening to watch high school bullshit about dying alone and unloved and pain that lasts forever and ever. I hated it when I watched Phil whine about his old flame, I hate it now that Ted's turned into a creepy-ass stalker, I hate Mike wailing about having to go on break like Rhetta God-damned ran over Farley with a God-damned tank and I hate it when Mike snivels and bleats and moans forever about Lawrence having to move away. He whines about Lawrence having to move away, he won't move on with his life, he reacts with horror when Time marches merrily on despite it having to stop because his squishy feelings have been hurt and he only stops whining about the terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad loss when Lawrence comes back home. One would think that Lawrence had left him standing at the altar with the bouquet in his hands and all of his bridesmaids staring awkwardly at their sea-foam green pumps. This, I should think, is because Lynn simply cannot write male characters without either making them into horror freak cave men like Howard Erk or strangely feminine types like the Delicate Genius at his most similar to Marge Simpson. This would be bad enough in and of itself were Elly not in the habit of never giving her children a definitive answer about anything when they actually need it. More on that tomorrow.
Tags: mike patterson: universal idiot

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