dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

On grade-school plays and their discontents.

John's passive-aggressive beefing about being stuck paying the bills isn't by any means the only irritating theme that blights the Holidays. After all, we have to remember that the theme of all three grade-school Christmas pageant arcs was "Directing school plays would be a lot easier if we weren't dealing with children."

We began this in 1981 when we had to deal with Mike, Mrs Hardacre and the chaos he created by not robotically obeying her. We learned that little boys create chaos by refusing to install a timer on their bladders, commenting on the chaos around them, making mild jokes that irritate humorless old meataxes and not realizing how it is adults express beneficent intentions.

We then fast-forward four years to when they cast Lizzie as the Star of Bethlehem in a kindergarten play. As these strips which only appeared in a treasury show us, most of the problem Miss Lyon had was due to the chaotic nature of small children who need to use the washroom, can't follow shouted English and who lose things in order to vex adults because that's just what children do.

We finish by moving ahead to this strip in which April is an extra bad person because she didn't hide her disappointment at not being cast in the part she wanted. No matter how hard Elly tried to tell her that there are no small roles, only small players, she couldn't let it go that what she wanted ended up in the hands of someone she wasn't jealous of, no, not HER!!

What this all reminds me of is one of the less comic panels in the first pre-Patterson book "David, we're pregnant!" wherein we find a man standing in a school playground telling himself he'd better learn to like the little creatures. Lynn's super-charitable vision of childhood had one really dumb kid with his finger jammed up his nose, a boy and a girl beating the holy living shit out of each other, another little boy holding a snake in one hand as he wiped his melting Popsicle on the guy's slacks and one girl just hauling off and whizzing all over herself with a look on her face that says "It happened again." The same very low opinion of children informs the Holiday strips.
Tags: holidazed pattersons

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