As I've explained to you before, we know that Elly gets her belief that there's only one 'right' way to do laundry, cook supper, raise children, sweep floors and so on and so forth from her mother. We also know that Elly gets her tendency to not notice rather obvious signs that things aren't as pleasant as she'd prefer them to be from Marian. This leaves us wondering where she gets her irritating habit of telling the children "Morality can go hang for all I care! Tell me what I want to hear or you're a bad, selfish and ungrateful child I cannot love" from.
The interesting thing is that the same person who tells Jim that everything is always fine is also the same person who sees a disaster in the making at every turning. While it is true that Jim does to tend be akin to John and give into fear when confronted with any sort of evidence that his mostly unearned privileges might be called into question and he tends to not realize that spanking wasn't the cure-all he believed it to be, he doesn't impress me as being the sort of assume sight unseen that people who say stuff that he doesn't feel like hearing are bad people who want to ruin his life. This is because he, despite knowing that he married an anxious, stand-offish woman who, due to a claustrophobic and tension-ridden childhood, never quite managed to figure out social norms, never himself quite managed to realize that she was raising Elly and Phil to be oblivious to any sort of sign that their behaviour might be a problem because she herself was always taken by surprise by the amazingly obvious. What this meant is that while he might be pissed off when his children did something that bugged him, he was at least aware of what that thing was. Marian, on the other hand, seems to have been constantly ticked off by the fact that the children didn't immediately agree that the world inside her head and the real world were coterminous.
What this all means is that since she isn't looking for signs that John and Elly don't agree that kicking a hole in a ceiling is a free action and since she won't admit that she's made her daughter afraid to confront people when it matters, Jim will never know that people are kinda bitter about the hole in the ceiling.