dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Elly: the prophet as a dead loss.....

As howtheduck reminded me yesterday, Elly's track record in predicting the future can be considered amazing: she always gets it wrong. Over the years, we've seen the following:

- Elly's dread of a future wherein a post-toddler Elizabeth would be as big a handful as her older brother when in reality she was a rather timid, tearful child.

- Her belief that nothing bad would happen to April just because she didn't take care of the back gate.

- Her dread that Elizabeth's decision to ride a motorcycle would lead her on the road to perdition when nothing at all came of it.

- Her waking nightmare that Michael's marriage to Rhetta Blum would lead to the frustration of his dreams of travel and adventure and the opposing fantasy that Deanna would encourage them.

- Her concern that April would prove a menace on the roadways when all signs point to her being more responsible than the rest of her family.

This leads me to believe that since she thinks the Settlepocalypse will lead to a Disney movie ending, Anthony is bound to find that marriage to Liz will end up being worse hell than his first. What's more, his attempts to find love elsewhere will begin shorty after they return from their honeymoon, assuming that he doesn't have a one-night stand with the chambermaid.

There are two reasons why Elly has such a horrid success rate. The first is that, as a Patterson, she has no sense of proportion. Non-events and minor inconveniences that ordinary people shrug off elicit shrieks and growls from her and her family. The second is that she's astonishingly ignorant of how the world works. She always expects the world to match her preconceptions, never admits that she might not know what's going on and thus always fails.
Tags: failure is the only option, lynn versus the real world, one big oblivious family, sheet shaver

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