Name: Michael Patterson.
Birthday: 28 April.
Age: 37 (also his IQ)
About Michael: As hinted at in the biographies of other character, Mike is pretty much the same grandiose, rock-stupid, buck-passing and irrational hindrance to everyone's happiness he's been since he was five. The problem is that his becoming the go-to idiot for churning out an endless series of potboilers that have all the same coherence as his first opus "Some kids was lost and then was found" has only served to make a bad problem (his inability to see other people as being real) worse. Being a self-absorbed and crowing moron who steps all over other people because they don't have a book in the best-seller list would be bad enough were it not for the fact that his need to be the corpse at every wedding and the bride at every funeral manifests itself as a 'generous' streak that causes him to 'help' his mother. So far, he's helped burn down her house and blow up her car like he's a younger, more twee and verbose Ed Crankshaft. Since this is the real world and not a cartoon, Elly has to pay for his idiocy dearly and thus always absents herself if he wants to lend a thumb-fingered hand.
As for his nephew and niece, they smile politely and nod when he starts sharing his skewed take on the world with them because while they know that there's something wrong with their uncle, they've been raised to be polite to elders no matter how dense and insane they are. Also, they leave ripping into Uncle Mike and Aunt Deanna to Aunt April and Mr Mayes because that's their thing and they'd rather not intrude. No one wants to quite tell them what Deanna hid, how it affected Elly and why everyone curses Grandpa John's name for being a sucker when they don't think that tiny ears are listening. All they know is that what Gordon calls "The Great Dysfunction" ended with him and April teaming up like Medic and Heavy hosing down BLU.