dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Oh....did I forget that the Guy's romantic troubles are ALL HIS FAULT?

The latest issue of the reboot of the Archie universe showed up on newsstands recently and, well, it confirms a hunch I've had. As you know, much noise is made of something called the lipstick incident. As I said before, it seemed to me that both Archie and Betty were alluding to a date gone spectacularly wrong. For some reason, she got talked into dressing up and putting on cosmetics, Captain Oblivious got all confused and made some stupid crack about how she shouldn't even own lipstick, she got hacked off because Dumbass said that ridiculously tone-deaf thing and here we are dealing with a girl wronged and a stubborn nitwit who won't admit that he'd played his hands ridiculously. According to Carrottop Entitlementpants, none of this is his fault because as a man, he should define who Betty is.

It turns out that this is the case. The detail left out is that the rattle-brained young women declaiming about the horror of the baffling collapse of said relationship don't realize (or especially want to because it would make them into accomplices instead of helpers) performed a kill assist on a perfectly workable romance for a very stupid reason. You see, they have it in their heads that Archie's off-the-cuff comment about getting to know Betty instead of ragging on her because she doesn't look or act the way Great God Fash-Un-Magg says to was a licence to tear down a wrench wench and put up another mindless fashionista babbling feebly about emulating tin gods like Veronica Lodge as if being a trained seal acting up for the camera is the be-all and end-all of existence. Since TMZ and Cosmo rot the brain, they have no idea that when Russian Tooth Fairy comes for the People's teeth, they have to line up behind Archie and raging raasclat chickenhawk Lodge for their complimentary punch to the mouth.
Tags: riverdale reload

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