dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Anticipation is making me hate Elly.

I think that the most annoying family tradition the Pattersons have is Elly and John making reproving comments about how greedy the children are and how they seem to attack the presents under the tree like savages instead of taking the time to enjoy the holidays like they're supposed to. The reason for this is depressingly obvious and relates almost directly to one of her more foolhardy initiatives. About two years or so from now, we're going to be shaking our heads in confused disgust when she and John get talked into going to Exile Farm over the holidays for an old-fashioned family Christmas of insane and stupid privation. We have Mike standing around all bummed because he's away from his friends and that horrible girl that reminds Elly of her tear-stained Saturday nights and thus must be beaten off so as to avenge her past. We have Danny being a bearded road-apple pontificating about city dwellers. We have that smirking irritant Laura making me want to punch her head of for harping about how stoooooooooopid people are for not knowing how to live like farmers. We have a frozen toilet. We have old people running around being hindrances.

Most of all, however, we have Elly not taking a vacation from completely refusing to understand that children see time as dragging on forever. Oh, it used to drag on forever when she was a child but as she gets older, it speeds up for her and, by extension, for everyone else. Children just say that they perceive time as dragging on slowly to ruin her life because the alternative is finally admitting that people can't read her mind and don't think like her. This is why she insists on inviting old people who take their sweet time getting up in the morning to bask in the glow of Christmas. It should be quite simple. The children should admit that waiting a mere hour or so is not much of a sacrifice because she perceives an hour as just whizzing by and assumes sight unseen that the same is true for the offsprings and small ones. Because, as Carrie alluded to when Elly was gobsmacked by that being proven a lie, it is not the case, the kids attack the gifts like savages and Elly is all embarrassed because for reasons that have nothing to do with her being a dimwit who doesn't get kids, her horrible children just tear through things instead of being polite.
Tags: freefloating commentary

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