dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

A very little Christmas.

Of course, one of the things Elly WILL be complaining about when she reaches yet another arbitrary milestone that somehow means that she is too old to enjoy life any longer is that Christmas no longer means what it used to when she was a young mother. While I have no doubt that she will somehow remember what used to be a frantic, thankless and unrewarding scramble to make things just right for an oaf husband and blind children who did actually really take her for granted into a time of magic and happiness and delight, the plain fact of the matter is that Elly is now bored out of her tiny mind now that Deanna is the primary hostess.

After all, there are no tiny hands rooting through her closet looking for presents. There are no children underfoot disturbing her as she makes the dessert she's been assigned to make. There are no cartoons on her television, she's been told where to get the gift cards she secretly wishes were an option back in the eighties despite constantly saying otherwise, her husband has been so thoroughly domesticated that he finally starts saying that his mother never cooked so good and to top things off, Mike and Liz are getting all soppy about how they should have thanked her more. If it were not for the one thing to complain about, she'd go crazy trying to find something to do to justify getting up in the morning.

Luckily for her, she cannot declare the victory that would leave her without a reason to be alive in the first place as long as April exists. As long as April lives in a different time zone, Elly can have something to fret about and something to pester her about. As long as April insists on living a scary, risky life, Elly can be happy panicking about ghosts and phantasms. As long as April insists that she's happy with some person who clearly must be Evil Incarnate because Fearful and Incurious John and Elly have no idea who he is or what his background is, she can moan and blubber about how badly off Gerald is with that hussy Becky and how he needs April to save him from what everyone who isn't a member of Team Foob calls a pretty happy life with a great gal. As long as April and her country boy decide that it would be best for everyone for them to stay in a hotel instead of being a nuisance, Elly can moan and wail about her misguided daughter not realizing that she's loved and accepted. As long as Elly is afraid of the world and in love with the idea of bossing her children around forever (and as long as she can be aided and abetted by an imbecile husband who always blames the children when she starts freaking out like a moron), she can be kept alive by the need to panic about nothing at all. Now THAT'S the Spirit of Pattersonian Christmas: Elly turning into one of the monster parents from Sally Forth who won't lay the Hell off.
Tags: st elly versus the martian menace

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