dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

Rhymes With Scrawny.

Of course, it's not just the Pattersons that would look very different as background characters in someone else's strip. It's not just that Elly looks like a screeching hindrance, John like a malicious man-child, Mike like oafish white trash with attitude, Liz like the Mad Woman of the Pattermanse and April like an ill-used scapegoat. Their hangers-on would also look rather different to someone not encouraged to sympathize with them.

As by way of example, Connie would be something of a sordid and discreditable joke to most people and it wouldn't just be that she was a pathetic sidekick to that crazy bitch the dentist married. The very old people would remember how she used to pack her biracial kid off somewhere while she chased after one leisure-suit clad no-hoper after another and drink coffee with her fellow inept parent and trade sob stories about how bad the children they couldn't raise were. If that wasn't bad enough, she just hauled off and left town like a punk because the two leading candidates to be Mister Connie found less desperate and clingy women to be with.

While some one them clucked "Too bad about that kid, right?" while saying their good riddances to her, most of them shrugged and thought that Milborough would go right on without her. Imagine their surprise when she moved back so as to return to drinking coffee with the screaming idiot with the big stupid dog and stupid kids. Imagine their disgust when she started yowling for all to hear about being TRAPPED with WILD ANIMALS because the teenagers she yanked from their lives to drink coffee with Elly Patterson resented that. Imagine their glee when they left town to get away from the hysterical nincompoop too stupid to realize her jackass husband threw her under the bus. Imagine their loathing when she boasted about what a great gal she was for tolerating her horrible deviant son who took away her last chance to impress a carcass of a stupid old man moldering away in a pine box. Imagine now, watching her trade sob stories with her idiot friend about how children are put on this Earth to disappoint stupid people. Finally, imagine their reaction when they find out that most people assume that John is Elly's lady-beard.
Tags: background pattersons

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