dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

The (blessedly) untold story of April's senior year.

It occurs to me from time to time that it's almost a good thing that the character letters and strip ended when they did. The reason for this is the I-quit-motherhood arc from April 2008. As we know, we'd spend most of the week watching Connie and Elly blather about how haaaaaard it was being a loving parent and how haaaaaard it was waiting for Liz and Anthony to get married only for Elly to blow her stack and John to offer to adjust April's attitude because she didn't let herself get sidetracked into eating when she had a ton of homework to do. Combine that with the distinct hatred they had for admitting that they couldn't close the books on parenting after the Settlepocalypse and we're dealing with a rather ugly senior year for the Martian Picky Face Princess owing to the following horrible factors:

  1. Deliberate Obliviousness On John's Part: As we all know, John has made a career of not understanding what stresses his children are under for much the same reason he studiously avoided understanding that Elly felt trapped and frustrated. The reason for that is that he feared the One Great Truth of life in the Patterson's world: there's a villain who makes life worse for everyone because of his insatiable desires and imbecile entitlement and he's it. This means that he can look at a child clearly struggling with keeping her grades up and dealing with parents eager to shove her out the door and see an antagonist instead of a victim.
  2. Petulant Ignorance On Elly's Part: What makes John's blinding himself to April's problem because making a stereotype of her is easier and doesn't require more of him that stupid advice is Elly's being the same angry idiot who couldn't identify her own mother in a police line up that lurched onto the page in 1979. We can expect more tantrums and more idiocy from the testy nitwit.
  3. Eva and Gerald Being Crouching Vermin: If she isn't going to spend her dwindling free time worrying about her status with Gerund, April can count on legitimate grievances being met with logical fallacies.
  4. Obtuse Siblings And In-Laws: She can count on Mike, Liz, Dee and Assthony spouting pure-D gibbering about counting on her fingers when she talks about the stress she's under.
  5. Victim-Blaming By The Asshole Fanbase: As we know, Lynn seems to have attracted reactionary scum who yearn to see John 'settle that horrible brat straight' when April reacts like a human being to fascist parenting by boomer assholes who blubber mindlessly about how she should grovel forever for forgiveness to be eternally withheld because she killed Farley.

While this IS awful and I'm glad we didn't see it, it should be said that Lynn's depiction of her post-secondary career would probably have been banned by the Geneva Convention.
Tags: anyone wanna buy a used future?

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