- A sports car does not spend most of its free time complaining that the home you provide it to keep it safe from the horrible working world is a maximum security prison that leaves it feeling unfulfilled.
- A sports car does not ask him to spend his money remodeling a kitchen he doesn't use.
- A sports car does not rub it in when it tells him that the reason he's eating edible food is that he invested in appliances that actually cook food properly.
- A sports car doesn't complain about its math homework nor does it whine about hanging out with the guys when there's chores to be done.
- A sports car doesn't make confusing remarks about how it doesn't feel like it has any friends nor does it talk about problem hair.
- A sports car doesn't keep him up half the night driving it to band practice.
- A sports car doesn't call him a blind-eyed sorehead who doesn't know what's going on under his own roof because he's a cowardly moron who doesn't want to actually be a father.
- A sports car doesn't tell him that he's wasted his life feeling sorry for himself because his parents weren't vending machines.
On the baby Michael took.
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