dreadedcandiru2 (dreadedcandiru2) wrote,

On the baby Michael took.

The interesting thing about this year is that we finally get around to meeting John's favourite family member: the ego-gratification sports car he buys because there's a void in his life he won't fill by doing things no one should expect of him like spending time getting to know his children. He certainly does seem to love his ride more than they do because of the following things that he sees as positives:

  • A sports car does not spend most of its free time complaining that the home you provide it to keep it safe from the horrible working world is a maximum security prison that leaves it feeling unfulfilled.

  • A sports car does not ask him to spend his money remodeling a kitchen he doesn't use.

  • A sports car does not rub it in when it tells him that the reason he's eating edible food is that he invested in appliances that actually cook food properly.

  • A sports car doesn't complain about its math homework nor does it whine about hanging out with the guys when there's chores to be done.

  • A sports car doesn't make confusing remarks about how it doesn't feel like it has any friends nor does it talk about problem hair.

  • A sports car doesn't keep him up half the night driving it to band practice.

  • A sports car doesn't call him a blind-eyed sorehead who doesn't know what's going on under his own roof because he's a cowardly moron who doesn't want to actually be a father.

  • A sports car doesn't tell him that he's wasted his life feeling sorry for himself because his parents weren't vending machines.

In short, a sports car doesn't tell John to get his head out of his ass and took a good long look at himself to see what everyone else does: a boorish, stand-offish petty dictator who doesn't want to admit that his selfishness is why his life is a mess.
Tags: freefloating commentary, john - grinning weirdo

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