What I would like to stress all over again is the fact that Elly is transfixed by the notion that no one loves her or ever has or ever will and that they expect her to work and strive and suffer and never allow her the slightest hint that what she does is actually appreciated. She's enabled in this disastrous belief by a moron husband who actually does think that this should be the case because it's hormones that make her think she deserves more out of life that thankless toil because the alternative is his actually giving a shit about anything. Since doing that means that the contents of his skull have gone rancid, he's going to keep on asking what she does all day and never notice how much that hurts because he wants to live his life numb to the suffering of his family because empathy is too much like work. Since he's an influence in his children's lives, they too are blinded to her need for love and her hope that she gets more than Mike idly wondering if maybe his mother didn't exactly like her life and possibly deserved more fifteen years after she dies.
The problem is that you can't have a horrible obsession like this without a psychic cost. I should think that John's blank-minded insensitivity warps her perception of events and deprives her of the ability to remember that children don't freeze in place when she isn't thinking about them. It's bad enough that she ends up thinking every little disagreement is proof that she's expected to meekly struggle through life without any sort of recognition or approval without having to remember what it does to her and those around her. Simply put, if John weren't a stupid son of a whore idiot rat bastard who wants to drift through life without doing anything while expecting deference because he's larger, Farleygate would never have happened. Martian Picky-Face Princesses don't kill heroic dogs.....TRAIN MEN DO!!!